The Little Kagura
by excelsis
Summary: Kagura as Ariel in The Little Mermaid.


I don't own Inuyasha, or the Little Mermaid—no matter how much I'd like to, considering that I'd be rather well-off financially with either…   
Note: Everything about this is WAY over-exaggerated on purpose—but that's theatre!   
Casting is:   
Princess Ariel: Kagura Prince Eric: Lord Sesshoumaru Grimsby: Jaken Ursula: Kikyou Louis: Miroku Carlotta: Sango Flotsam: Soul Collector 1 Jetsam: Soul Collecter 2 Sebastian: Myoga King Triton: Naraku Scuttle: Kagome Flounder: Shippou Erik's Dog: Inuyasha Ariel's Sisters: Kanna (Many Kannas)   
Me: Kagura! I cast Older Rin as Ariel!   
Kagura: She… Er, fell ill. Unexpectedly.   
Me: Well, that's weird. Okay, then. Any complaints?   
All (Except Kagura): Yes!   
Kagome: Why do I have to be Scuttle? Why can't I be Ariel!

Me: Then you'd have to kiss Sesshoumaru.   
Kagura: (squee)   
Inuyasha: And why do I gotta be that bastard's dog!?   
Me: The ears. Now, everyone! In costume! Now!   
---------   
_Scene 1_   
_Kagura and Shippou gazed at the sunken ship—Kagura with excitement and Shippou with fear._   
Kagura: Do I really have to do this?   
Me: Don't argue. Now go into the ship.   
Kagura: (sighs) Let's go.   
Shippou: Uh, I'll just… Uh, stay out here!   
Kagura: And watch out for the sharks.   
Shippou: (nodding) Yep, watch out for sha—Sharks!   
_Shippou darts after Kagura. She's already putting things in her bag._   
Kagura: (picking up a fork) (sarcastically) I _wonder_ what this is. You do realize we live in Japan, right?   
Me: Quit complaining. Just think of the ending, where you get to kiss Sesshoumaru.   
Kagura: (gleefully) I wonder what this could be? I bet Scuttle will know!   
Shippou: (screams)   
Kagura: (looking up): A shark! Dance of—   
Me: No, you swim like hell!   
Kagura: (sighs) Fine. Hurry up, Flounder!   
_The two of them swim around like mad and eventually escape. Kagura immediately swims off to see Kagome, who is playing with an eyeglass, and not pouting because she isn't Ariel (hint, hint)._   
Kagura: (smirks) Hello, _Scuttle_.   
Kagome: Hi. What do you have for me?   
_Scuttle is apparently lacking in enthusiasm today!_   
Kagura: (dumps out bag) What are all these?   
_Kagome lifts the fork. Her tone of voice is as lively as a dead frog._   
Kagome: It's for your hair. Humans use it to make hair-dos. (rolls eyes) See?   
_Kagome unenthusiastically sticks it in her hair, twists it a little and pulls it._   
Kagome: Ta-da.   
Shippou: Could you _try_ to act better?   
Kagome: (sobbing) I wanted to be Ariel!   
Kagura: (rolls eyes) _Anyway_… What's this? (Holds up a tobacco pipe.)   
Kagome: (takes pipe) _Wow_. This is "wonderful." I haven't seen one of these babies in years. Blah, blah, blah. It's a Snarflat.   
Kagura: A what?   
Kagome: A Snarflat. Humans use it to make fine music. Allow me to demonstrate—   
Kagura: Oops…   
Shippou: The concert!   
Kagura: (flinches) Naraku is gonna kill me.   
Me: Noooo! He's your dad for the sake of the script. Well, he's sort of your father anyway, so…   
Kagura: (sighs) Father is going to kill me. (Takes Snarflat and fork) See ya later, _Scuttle_.   
Kagome: Whatever.   
Shippou: Bye! (_Swims after Kagura_)   
_Scene 2_   
_Naraku is angry, and also half naked (yay!). Kagura is supposed to be acting rebellious. Instead, she looks bored and annoyed. Shippou, however, is acting appropriately, and cowering._   
Naraku: (reading from the script, as he hasn't memorized his lines) Anger. Ariel, why weren't you at the—   
Kagura: You're not supposed to read what's in italics or parenthesis.   
Naraku: Oh. Whatever… Ariel, why weren't you at the concert?   
Myoga: Such enthusiasm.   
Kagura: Well, I got… busy. I just… forgot.   
Naraku: You… forgot. How the fuck could you—   
Me: Triton doesn't cuss!   
Naraku: It doesn't sound angry otherwise… Oh, fine. How could you forget about this?   
Shippou: It wasn't her fault! We were at the shipwreck, and then this shark came along and raaaaah! And then the seagull came and this is this and that is that—   
_A pause as Naraku stopped paying attention, thus forgetting when he was supposed to interrupt Shippou. Myoga coughs. Kagura sighs. Shippou stutters._   
Naraku: Oh. Seagull?   
_Kagura scowls at Shippou, who hides behind her._   
Naraku: You were on the surface again, weren't you? I forbid you from doing that. It's dangerous—   
Kagura: Nothing… happened.   
_Naraku frowns as he reads the script, half aloud_.   
Naraku: I refuse to say this line. I don't really care if Kagura gets harpooned and eaten.   
_Kagura scowls_.   
Me: Do it, or I'll cast you as the evil stepmother next time in _Cinderella._   
_Naraku pictures himself in hideous European clothing, his hair pinned up in a ridiculous fashion_.   
Naraku: (with slightly more enthusiasm) I won't see my youngest daughter caught on some harpooning fish-eater's line! You could've been seen by one of those barbarians—by one of those _humans_.   
Shippou: But aren't you a hanyou?   
Naraku: Shut up. I'm just reading the script.   
Me: On taaaaask! (crying) I need better actors…   
Kagura: Er… _Daddy_, they're not barbarians.   
Naraku: (flinches slightly) You are _not_ to go to the surface again, is that clear!?   
_Kagura makes a bad impression of being near tears and swims away, Shippou close behind her._   
Naraku: Do you think I was too nice to her?   
Myoga: Definitely. If Ariel was my daughter, I'd show _her_ who was boss.   
_Naraku rolls his eyes_.   
Myoga: None of this… flitting to the surface and other such nonsense. I would keep her under tight control.   
Naraku: You're right.   
Myoga: Of course.   
Naraku: She needs constant supervision. _mutters_ Isn't this why I have the Saimyosho?   
Myoga: Of course.   
Naraku: And you're just the flea to do it.   
Myoga: Of—_What_?   
Naraku: From now on, it's your job to look after _Ariel_. Go now.   
Myoga: Why me? Why always me?   
_Myoga hops/swims after Kagura and Shippou. He follows them to a secret underwater cavern, and slips inside, "unnoticed" by the other two. Kagura puts her newly found items in various different places._   
Kagura: Thank gods, I don't see things the way he does. I don't understand why a world that makes such beautiful things could be bad.   
Kagura Thinking: _Soon! Soon! I'll get to see Sesshoumaru! I'll get to drag a wet, half-drowned, barely conscious Sesshoumaru to shore! And I'll be the first thing he sees upon waking! YES!_   
_Kagura doesn't realize that she's smiling and looking far too gleeful for such a sad scene. Shippou coughs politely, waving the script in front of her face._   
Kagura: Oh. I have to sing that song now, huh?   
Me: If you want to have your sick fantasies about Sesshoumara-sama come to life, yes.   
_Kagura sings the song as quickly as she can._   
Myoga: (falls over with a scream of fright)   
_Kagura swims back down. Shippou looks horrified._   
Myoga: If your father knew about this—   
Shippou: You're not gonna tell him, are you?   
Kagura: Hey, don't tell "Father"—or else! _(Looks at unhappy fanfic author)_ I mean—Please don't tell "Daddy"! He would never understand.   
_Interrupted by fireworks. Kagura's eyes widen gleefully_.   
Kagura: What do you suppose…?   
_Kagura swims upwards. The others follow her. Kagome is flying around overhead, watching the show._   
Myoga: Let's get out of here now!   
Kagura: (ignoring Myoga) I want a closer look! _Kagura swims off, skipping several lines of script. The others decide to ignore this error and follow her. Kagura has pulled herself up to a place where she can watch and not be noticed, drooling over Sesshoumaru_.   
Sesshoumaru: I hate this outfit.   
Inuyasha: You're better off than me.   
Sesshoumaru: (smirks) True.   
_Sesshoumaru is in a sailor outfit, for some reason having two arms. (Not a school uniform, either!) Inuyasha, however, is wearing a collar and a puppy suit, sitting in a corner in a dejected manner._   
Me: You're on!   
_Those on deck are just sort of hanging out. Inuyasha is pouting._   
Kagura: Oh, he's so hot…   
_Kagome lands beside her, frowning._   
Kagome: He looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me.   
Inuyasha: Hey, you bitch!   
Kagome: Sit!   
_Thump_.   
Kagura: Not that one! _Hearts in her eyes, pointing at Sesshoumaru. _That one.   
_Jaken scuttles to the fore._   
Jaken: I have an announcement! Sessh—Prince Eric! I have a gift for you!   
_Sesshoumaru raises an eyebrow. Jaken gives a command for the sailors to pull a canvas off of something. It's a bronze statue of Sesshoumaru._   
Kagura: I want it.   
Jaken: Happy birthday, Eric. But, I was hoping it would be a _wedding_ present.   
Sesshoumaru: Princess Sara was a rather repulsive hanyou.   
Me: (in tears) Why can't any of you get it right!?   
Sesshoumaru: _Fine_. Princess Sara wasn't the one for me. I want to find a girl I love.   
Kagura: (squee)   
Jaken: But, not just me—your most loyal servant… But the entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down.   
_Storm picks up. Throws the boat about. Kagura and the others get back in the water. Kagome is whisked away in the wind, screaming. All the sailors get in the rowboat. Jaken is dancing to and fro screaming, as Sesshoumaru still isn't in the boat_. However, he's slowly walking toward it, leaving Inuyasha.   
Me: Go get your pet dog!   
Inuyasha: I'm not a pet! And I'm definitely not _his _pet!   
Me: In certain fanfiction, you are. For my purpose, though, you're literally a pet. Now stop talking and bark!   
Inuyasha: Woof.   
Me: Sesshoumaru! Go rescue your puppy!   
Sesshoumaru: No.   
Me: Fine. Then I'm casting you as Maleficent from _Sleeping Beauty,_ and Inuyasha will kill you!   
_Sesshoumaru turns around and goes back for Inuyasha. He picks him up and slings him over his shoulder. Inuyasha complains the entire way. The ship is collapsing, and the gun powder is about to explode. Sesshoumara tosses Inuyasha into the boat just as the ship explodes. Kagura looks like she might rejoice. She swims after him and grabs him. He scowls at her._   
Me: Sesshoumaru, you're unconscious.   
Sesshoumaru: Hmph.   
_Sesshoumaru feigns unconsciousness as Kagura pulls him to shore. He actually is unconscious by the time they get there. Kagura drags him up on the beach, practically drooling over his limp, beautifully sculpted, sopping wet form._   
Me: _Kagura… _This movie is G-rated… Thank gods you have fins right now…   
_Kagura looks down at the fins and cries, clinging to the unconscious Sesshoumaru and sobbing softly. (You would be too.) At any rate, Sesshoumaru slowly began to wake. Kagura made sure that she was right in front of him, singing the reprise, with the sun framing her form._   
_Inuyasha walks unhappily onto the site, followed by Jaken_.   
Jaken: Eric! You had us all scared to death!   
_Kagura leaps back into the water and swims a little distance away, peeking out at them. Inuyasha glares at her, then at everyone else angrily. Jaken babbles about his worry for Sesshoumaru, then ends up face-down in the dirt and Sesshoumaru steps on him on his way out. He is supposed to glance over his shoulder, trying to find Kagura, but doesn't._   
Sesshoumaru: That woman…   
Jaken: What woman?   
Sesshoumaru: She rescued me.   
Jaken: I think you've swallowed a bit too much seawater. Let's get you home. _(Looks at Inuyasha wickedly.)_ Come on, doggy!   
Inuyasha: (growls) Woof.   
Sesshoumaru: (smirks)   
_Kagura stares at Sesshoumaru's ass in an X-rated manner—if only his hair didn't disrupt her view. Shippou waves a hand in front of her face, unnoticed._   
Myoga: Well, um… The Sea King can never know. _(Looks at Shippou.)_ You won't tell him; I won't tell him. I will stay in one piece!   
Kagura: Oh, it's my line. _Sings Reprise_. _Water crashes against her back. Unfortunately, she was imbalanced from her position when she had been gaping at Sesshoumaru's soaking wet sexiness and she toppled over the edge of the rock, falling face-first into the water. Shippou yelps and swims a bit farther away from her. She glares at him._   
Shippou: Don't look at me! It was your own fault! Yikes!   
_Scene 3_   
_Kikyou has been watching everything that has happened through the soul collector's eyes, who had been watching Kagura._   
Kikyou: So, the little princess is in love. (_Puts rouge on her lips.)_ With a human prince.   
Sesshoumaru: WHAT!?   
Me: Where did you come from? Anyway, for the sake of this, there are only sea creatures and humans. So that makes you a human for today. Think of it as making fun of them.   
_Sesshoumaru sulks back in the recesses._   
Kikyou: (resuming) And King Triton and all the Merfolk get to have their silly little balls and musicals. In my day, we had fantastic feasts. Hmph. _(Looks back at her.)_ Of course, I could use this to my advantage.   
_Scene 4_   
_Kagura is swimming around happily, seeming to enjoy herself very thoroughly. There are six Kannas, for some reason. Naraku swims in. Kagura swims around him in a circle, halfway singing to herself._   
Kagura: Morning, "Daddy." _Sticks a flower-like thing in his hair and swims away in slow spirals. Naraku rips out the flower and crushes it._   
Kanna 1: She has it bad. _No emotion at all in her voice, as usual._   
Naraku: (feigning ignorance badly) Got what?   
Kanna 2: Ariel is in love.   
Naraku: I'll kill the object of her affection!   
Me: No! Be happy for her. Remember, this means she goes away soon! Or would you prefer to be the Wicked Stepmother?   
Naraku: (angry, but pretending to be happy) Ariel… _in love?_   
_Scene 4_   
_Naraku is sitting on a throne. For some unexplained reason, the flower is no longer crushed, and he is glaring at it. _   
Naraku: I wonder who the unfortunate creature is.   
_Myoga comes hopping in, muttering to himself about all the horrors that will befall him when Naraku discovers who it is—and what. Has convinced himself that he already knows, and is terrified._   
Myoga: Your, er… Majesty?   
_Naraku sort of twitches_.   
Naraku: It's about Ariel.   
Myoga: (cringes) What… about Ariel?

Naraku: Have you noticed her strange behavior lately?   
Myoga: Er, no. What strange behavior?   
Naraku: The singing, the weirdness! That!   
Myoga: Oh, that.   
Naraku: Yes. So, she's in love or something, right?   
Myoga: (squeaks) Oh, perhaps!   
Naraku: So… You must know about it.   
Myoga: I tried to stop her, sir! She wouldn't listen!   
Naraku: Hm?   
Myoga: I told her to stay away from humans!   
Sesshoumaru: I'm not human!   
Naraku: Quit sulking. I'm not a mermaid. Now shut the fuck up so we can get on with the damn script.   
_Sesshoumaru resumes sulking in the shadows._   
Naraku: _Anyway_… _(Naraku is somehow able to get furious at the drop of a hat.)_ What!?   
_Scene 5_   
_Kagura and Shippou are swimming. Shippou has a surprise for her waiting in the cavern, but won't tell her what it is. Kagura gasps upon seeing it. It's the bronze statue of Sesshoumaru._   
Kagura: How the hell did you get it in here? Oh, well! (squee) _Swims over to it, circling it._ Oh, he's so sexy! _Hangs off of it affectionately. This doesn't appear to be merely acting any more._   
_The boulder being used as a door is rolled violently to the side. Kagura's eyes widen. Naraku seems to be enjoying himself. Myoga is, as usual, terrified. Shippou cowers in a corner._   
Naraku: "Ariel."   
Kagura: It's—it's just that… Don't—   
Naraku: Ariel, I'm going to get through to you. _(Holds up a trident that looks disturbingly similar to the one he gave Princess Abi.) _And if this is the one way, so be it.   
Kagura: No!   
_Naraku lets loose a bit of his "mermaid magic" and destroys everything, saving the statue for last. Kagura wails in despair. Naraku turns and leaves. Kagura sinks to the sea floor and pouts, then pretends to cry._   
Soul Collector 1: Such a tragic fate.   
Soul Collector 2: Indeed. But we know someone who can help you. _(They swim around Kagura.)_   
Shippou: They can talk?   
Myoga: Apparently so.   
_Kagura looks at them_.   
Kagura: Who?   
Soul Collector 1: Ursula has great powers.   
Kagura: The sea witch? But…   
Soul Collector 2: She can help you.   
Kagura: But…   
_The Soul Collectors drift away._   
Soul Collector 2: It was only a suggestion. _(Flicks a piece of the statue back. Happens to be Sesshoumaru's face. Kagura picks it up. She looks from it to them, then follows them. Myoga jumps on her shoulder._   
Myoga: You mustn't trust the Sea Witch!   
Kagura: Well, I don't care.   
Myoga: She's evil!   
_Kagura flicks Myoga off of her shoulder._   
Kagura: Why don't you go tell my "father"? You're good at that. _Continues_.   
_Myoga and Shippou follow her._   
_Scene 6_   
_Kagura follows the Soul Collectors. They lead her into a weird cave-like structure. Mermaids turned Chibi are in cages along the walls and floor. Kikyou is sitting in front of a vanity, applying rouge_.   
Kikyou: What brings you here, Princess?   
Kagura: I was told you could help me. Hey, can we just get on with this and turn me "human"?   
Kikyou: Of course. Oh, and you have three days to make Prince Eric fall in love with you and kiss you. But I need your voice. _Holds up contract._   
Kagura: But, I need my voice!   
Kikyou: They say body language is most of our communication, you know.   
Kagura: Can't you take something else?   
Kikyou: Would you rather be blind?   
Kagura: No!   
Kikyou: Then sign this and sing.   
Kagura: Fine_. Signs contract. Kagura sings. Kikyou plucks her voice from her throat and stores it in a seashell. She sort of chuckles as Kagura is turned human. Shippou helps her get to the surface, as she can no longer breathe underwater. He helps her to shore. Myoga just sort of tags along. Kagura stands up, almost completely naked, and, being a bit of an exhibitionist, doesn't really care. She looks around for something to wrap herself up in._   
Kagome: Here. _Throws the sail of a ship at her. Kagura catches it. Kagome glares at her, but helps her tie it around herself using rope. _Inuyasha!   
_Inuyasha stomps over to them, glaring at Kagura. Kagome giggles. Shippou points and laughs at him. Rin made some adjustments to his outfit, and he now has a large ribbon instead of a collar._   
Inuyasha: Woof.   
Sesshoumaru: Inuyashaaaaa! Here, boy!   
Inuyasha: You're enjoying this too much.   
Sesshoumaru: _(looks at Kagura) _Who's this? Are you… _(Takes her hands. Kagura nearly faints.)_ You're the woman, aren't you?   
Kagura: _Mouths "yes!"_ _Holds her throat, a bit horrified._   
Sesshoumaru: _(Drops her hands.) _Oh, then you couldn't be. Have you been shipwrecked?   
_Kagura nods._   
Sesshoumaru: Come with me.   
_Kagura joyfully follows Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha stomps after them._   
_Scene 7_   
_A few pointless scenes are skipped and Sesshoumaru takes Kagura out into the city the next day. Randomness happens and Shippou, Kagome, and Myoga observe them, reporting to each other with the obvious lack of activity in the kissing department, despite Kagura's efforts. Later on in the evening, Sesshoumaru takes her out on a boat in a lagoon. The others watch._   
Sesshoumaru: What if I try to guess your name? Is it Kagura?   
Me: Nooo! Bad dog!   
Sesshoumaru: Fine. Mary? Susan? Martha? Lucy?   
_Kagura shook her head with distaste at every name mentioned._ _Myoga crept as close as was safe to Sesshoumaru's ear._   
Myoga: (whispering) Ariel. Her name is Ariel!   
Sesshoumaru: Ariel?   
Kagura: (nods)   
Kagome: I'll never get out of this seagull costume at this rate… We've gotta speed things up a little. Hey, can you two just make out and get on with it!   
_Myoga hits her with a small stick on the nose._   
Myoga: Follow the script, Kagome! Now, time for another song.   
Kagura Thinking: Great. I can't talk, and now I have to listen to a frickin' song.   
_Myoga lip-syncs a recording of "Kiss the Girl" while everyone else tries to reenact everything. The fireflies (from the Movie "Fire on the Mystic Island") were the only ones doing a good job. Following the scrip, Sesshoumaru and Kagura lean in for a kiss. Also following the script, the boat tips over. Sesshoumaru flips out of it, landing primly on a tree branch. Kagura falls in the water. Kagura looks like she might cry._   
_Scene 8_   
_Kikyou is watching from the Soul Collector's eyes._   
Kikyou: Such a tramp. I almost lost the bet. _(Touches shell necklace.)_ Time to take matters into my own hands.   
_Scene 9_   
_Sesshoumaru is staring out at the sea. Kagura is standing at a window, staring at him, "unnoticed." Jaken walks up to Sesshoumaru. He trips over his own webbed feet, then picks himself up._   
Jaken: Milord—Er, Prince Eric?   
Sesshoumaru: She's out there somewhere. I must find her.   
Jaken: Er… You know, instead of chasing phantoms, there's a perfectly lovely girl, right up there, staring at you from that window.   
_Kagura darts inside the room just in time for Sesshoumaru to see her exit._   
Sesshoumaru: Are you doubting my abilities?   
Jaken: N-no—   
_Jaken was cut off as he was thrown off of the balcony. He hit the rocks below with a "splat" noise. Sesshoumaru glanced down at him, but something else catches his attention. A voice was singing, and it was "Kagura's." He fell under the spell—_   
Sesshoumaru: It's a pathetic spell. This Sesshoumaru would not succumb to it.   
Me: But Prince Eric would. Stop arguing or I'm casting you as Scar from _Lion King_ and I'll let Inuyasha kill you.   
Inuyasha: YES!   
_Sesshoumaru feigns being under a spell._   
_Scene 10_   
_Kagome lands on the balcony._   
Kagome: Ariel! The prince is getting married.   
_Kagura wakes up. Kagome repeats herself. Kagura joyfully runs out the door, down the hallway, but pauses. Around the corner, is Sesshoumaru, speaking with Jaken about the wedding being today. Yet, lo and behold, it was Kikyou hanging on his arm. Kagura's lower lip trembled._   
Kagura Thinking: I'm not going to cry! I'm trembling with rage, damn it! I'm gonna kill her! Dance—   
Me: Kagura. Think of yourself as being an evil stepsister for a moment.   
_Kagura considers, then runs away, pretending to cry once more. Kikyou smirks._   
_Scene 11_   
_Kagura is sitting at the dock, watching the wedding ship depart. Shippou is swimming around. Myoga is sitting near her. Kagome flies down._   
Kagome: Why are you sitting here? Your lover boy is on the ship with Kik--Ursula!   
_Kagura still couldn't talk, so she glared at her._   
Kagome: You should go steal him away from her—because she doesn't deserve him—you do!   
_(Methinks Kagome is talking about herself.) Kagura stands up and reaches for a feather in her hair. To her horror, it's not there. She looks around, then comes up with a plan. She pushes a barrel in the water, then jumps into the ocean. Using the barrel, she floats. Shippou pulls her along by a rope attached to the barrel. Kagome and Myoga go off in search of help to stall the ceremony._   
_On the ship, the ceremony is beginning with the wedding march. Kikyou slowly walks up the aisle, in an elaborate bridal gown. Sesshoumaru continues feigning being under a spell. Inuyasha is sitting near the aisle. He half-heartedly growls at Kikyou, as according to the script. Kikyou kicks him lightly._   
Inuyasha: Bitch.   
Kikyou: (muttering) Beloved.   
_Thump!_   
Inuyasha: (whining) Why?   
_Kikyou continues with the wedding march and stands at her place opposite to Sesshoumaru. The priest, who is being played by Kaede, so it's more of priestess, drawled on with the ceremony._   
_In the kitchen, Miroku has gone mad, apparently (according to the script) and is attacking anything that moves with a butcher knife, as he is seeking the flea-like crab that eluded him the other day at dinner (as he swore he saw it here as well). Sango comes in to bring the cake out, to find the entire place to be a disaster area._   
Sango: Louis!   
Miroku: (Freezes) Yes?   
Sango: You… Agh! _(Goes to the cake, which is on a trolley.)_   
_Miroku can't resist, and reaches out for her rear end. Rather than slap him, Sango turns, grabbing a frying pan. She raises it threateningly. Miroku makes a squeaking noise and darts away in terror. Finding that she likes the frying pan, she sets aside for later use and wheels out the cake._   
_On deck, the world has come to chaos and all the animals have "gone mad" and are attacking Kikyou. Kagura climbs onto the ship. In the chaos, the shell necklace breaks and Kagura gains her voice back prematurely._   
Kagura: Eric!   
_Sesshoumaru stops pretending to be under a spell_.   
Sesshoumaru: Ariel?   
_Kagura runs over to him. For some reason, they lean in to kiss again. The sun sets in the background. Right before her lips meet his, Kagura falls down, as she no longer has legs to support her._   
Kagura: Aw, shit. Eric, I wanted to tell you, but—   
Kikyou: The bet is over. I've won. (_Grabs Kagura and pulls her over to the railing)._ So long, Eric. (_Plunges into the water._)   
_Naraku appears._   
Naraku: Hand her over.   
Kikyou: (holding up contract) She's mine.   
_Naraku skims over the contract._   
Naraku: All right.   
_Goes to leave. Kikyou throws the script at him_.   
Kikyou: You have to sacrifice yourself to save Ariel.   
_Naraku freezes and turns around, horrified._   
Naraku: I'm not going to do that—   
Me: (flames surround me, heated with my anger) Do it. Do it or I'll write _Cinderella_!   
Naraku: (sighs) Fine. Here. _Signs the new contract. Kagura is released and Naraku is turned into a five-inch tall Chibi._ _Kagura picks him up._   
Kagura: I like him better this way.   
Naraku: Shut up.   
_Kikyou puts on his crown and takes the trident. A harpoon sails through the water, slicing off one of her tentacles. She flinches and spins around to glare at Sesshoumaru. A bit of randomness ensues, and Kikyou accidentally hits the Soul Collectors with the power of the trident. They float around in little shreds. Sesshoumaru is swimming up to the surface. Kikyou grows to enormous proportions and creates a whirlpool. The sunken ships rise up out of the water. Kagura is stranded in the dry center of the odd whirlpool. Sesshoumaru has vanished somewhere. Kikyou begins wreaking havoc by tampering with the weather. Sesshoumaru apparently knows how to steer a ship now, as he is steering his old, sunken ship. Kikyou glanced at him just in time for him to steer the broken mast right through her stomach. As that was Kikyou's cue to die, she collapsed and "vanished mysteriously." The trident and crown shrink down to their normal size. Sesshoumaru is now sitting in a little rowing boat. Naraku returns to normal. Storm dissipates._   
_Scene 12_   
_Sesshoumaru is on the shore. Kagura is watching him leave. Everyone is waiting for Naraku._   
Naraku: Hmph.   
Myoga: Will you just go by the script? Then we can all leave!   
Naraku: Hmph. Fine._ Turns Kagura "human." Kagura does the slow, joyous walk out of the water in a shimmery silver dress. Runs up to Sesshoumaru. This is the moment she's been waiting for!_   
_smooch_   
_The end!_


End file.
